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“Learning to listen” sounds so simple. Yet, conscious listening requires willing effort. We may hear a sound, but not consciously take it in. Someone may ask, “Did you hear that? What was it?” We reply that we think we heard something, but have no idea what it was. Sometimes our lives can be like that, hearing, but not listening. Suddenly, we feel surprised, shocked or overwhelmed by what is happening around or within us, as if it came from nowhere without warning. We may turn to a trusted friend, who may in turn recommend we speak with others, perhaps a teacher, counsellor or doctor. Basically, from trusted friend to respected advisor to recommended specialist, it is the act of listening that enables them to be of such help, each in their own way. Listening not to just what we say, but to how we are. Yet, as helpful as they strive to be, each may have an understandably limited view of or interest in our situation. So, why not learn to listen to ourselves? Though every aspect of life offers the opportunity for listening and learning, we often don’t allow that to happen very well because of our habitual patterns, which draw upon our memory of past events and associations for reference. So we often act according to what used to happen, rather than what is happening. This could be called “old mind”, one that is not open to new ways of thinking, seeing or being. Sometimes we are simply preoccupied with this old mind’s thoughts. Take the example of going to a play or a music event with a friend who is lost in thought during much of the performance and so is not appreciating the acting or the fiddle playing. They are in effect missing out on something right before them. Or, if someone close to us is trying to explore a sensitive issue, are we completely there for them? If our body sends out indications of potential problems, do we just ignore them? And most important of all, if our heart is offering counsel, are we just too busy to be bothered? “Truly listening means we can receive from any source - from great teachers, or from an acquaintance or a complete stranger, even from an animal, a plant, a mountain.” In effect we can learn from everyone and everything. And of course, that includes ourselves. However, the most important source is within us, not outside. “Learning to listen is the most important step towards being ready for meeting the ‘special source’ that resides in our heart. But it is not always easy. The more we think we know something, the less we tend to listen.” Somehow or other, we have seemingly lost our connection, our link, with our own heart. We may envision our heart as a garden, a castle, a mountaintop or an island. Forbidding brambles, fierce guards, terrifying spirits or a turbulent ocean may surround our heart. We may see ourselves either as safe and protected or bound and trapped within our own heart space. Or we may see ourselves as wandering uncertain pathways of our heartland, trying to find a way home. Learning to listen can gradually lead us to discover the direct pathway back to our heart. All of this points out an interesting aspect about listening: as often as not, we need someone or something to help rouse and develop our capability to listen. They help us stop, pause or at least slow down and take notice for a change, even if ever so briefly. The ‘someone’ is typically more helpful than the ‘something’. A bad traffic accident may make us be more appreciative of the preciousness of life. But it is a good friend or teacher who will help us build upon that appreciation, bringing further insight. Our capacity to listen, not from habit but from being present in the moment, is “acquired slowly through a process that has two components – a mirror and someone looking into it”. Someone we trust and respect can act as a mirror reflecting how we are. But we must be willing to look at our own reflection. Moreover, we must not confuse the ‘mirror’ and our own reflection in it. Often this confusion happens when we develop a deep trusting relationship with a caring advisor or teacher. Their role is foremost to help us find our way and not necessarily to become ever-smiling friends. So, acting as a mirror for us, they may reflect things we would rather not see or relate to. In response, we may become upset with them. Besides choosing our advisors wisely, we must be wise with ourselves about what we are really seeking. We must not become dependent upon the advisor. Equally important, a true teacher does not encourage dependence, but rather independence. “Through a student-teacher relationship based on mutual respect and trust, the capacity to listen will develop and we will perceive things that we did not notice before.” With the guidance of a good teacher, there are many means or tools we can employ in developing our ability to listen. For instance, engaging in a practice of special body movements, where our attention is directed to carrying them out only in a way that is beneficially appropriate for us. Listen to your body. Where does stretch turn into strain? When does doing something ten times instead of five leave you aching the next day? Simply noticing, listening and paying heed to your body’s messages is a worthwhile practice in itself. Often, we need to slow down a bit, mentally as much as physically, to accomplish this well. Our sense of stability, as well as flexibility, increases. Listen to your breath. Becoming more at ease in our bodies, we naturally tend to become more aware of our breath. This is extremely helpful in developing our ability to listen. The breath is both a conscious and an unconscious link between body and mind. Uneven breathing reveals a mind or body that is not at ease in some way. Consciously working with the breath, particularly in unison with movement, allows for increased awareness and for further relaxation. We feel more settled with ourselves. Listen to your mind. As we learn to relax our body and breath further, our mind learns to relax as well. If done properly this allows for “attention without tension”. We begin to listen on an inner level, with increasing clarity. Thoughts come and go, but with less and less distraction. Listen to your heart. A very beautiful and intriguing way of bringing body, breath and mind intuitively together is working with sound. Chanting sacred sounds, or phrases significant to us, brings a whole new atmosphere to our minds. Of all the tools, it seems the most capable of calming and focussing the mind, while also touching and opening the heart. A subtle, yet profound, shift in our sense of being occurs from head to heart. There is nothing deeper or more central than this. Gradually our body, breath and mind become key parts of our support system for our journey, rather than obstacles or distractions. Listen to your world and all that arises in it. We have learned to ‘be here for ourselves’. Now we can learn to ‘be there for others’ as well. This journey of learning to listen most often requires an “earnest, ongoing and uninterrupted commitment over an extended period of time”. Once accomplished it simply, perhaps even effortlessly, continues as a natural healthy part of being who we are. These are just a few approaches to developing and exploring our inherent ability to listen. To learn is to listen and to listen is to learn about our world, about ourselves. May all our listening lead us to the most amazing listening post there is – our heart. All quotations and paraphrases are from a wonderful little book entitled “What Are We Seeking” by T.K.V. Desikachar, which inspired this article.
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 Erika Schnetzer
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05-APR-2008 |
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A wonderful article! Thank You.
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maria
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13-JUL-2007 |
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thank you for bringing me back to me, to my essence.
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Pirai
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30-JUN-2007 |
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Very good article indeed! Expecting more in the same line about, 'Speaking', 'Questioning' and about 'Silencing'.
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padmininarendran
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26-JUN-2007 |
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Thanks for the thought provoking article.The power of SOUND,importance of SVADHYAYA,and the art of LISTENING,are clearly highlighted.VERY GOOD.
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Saraswathi
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24-JUN-2007 |
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Beautifully conceived... brings out the essence of BEING IN THE NOW - listening is Yoga.
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